Always Be Therapizing

I have an addiction to self-help books. In fact, I probably need a self-help book about my addiction. Honestly, I don’t see how any of you make it without them, though I’m the first one to admit I’m a little behind on the evolutionary ladder. As long as I have some guidance, I’ve got life under control. As long as I have daily reminders. But if I stop pursuing, if I stop feeding my soul with wisdom, I go limp and dead in the water.

I always be therapizing. I can’t get enough. I can easily take down a Tim Ferriss podcast, a few chapters of the latest bestselling self-help book, a new Ryan Holiday blog, a piece of inspiration my dad sent me, and a Ted Talk before I even eat breakfast. And then I’m going at life fueled (almost annoyingly so). My poor wife. Speaking of, I’m not allowed to say Tim Ferriss’s name anymore in our house—kind of like Voldemort. He whose name we cannot mention. True story.

My modus operandi is one fiction and one self-development book going at all times. As far as fiction, the first lesson I learned as a writer is that the best writers read… a lot.

Apropos self-development, I cover the gamut: spiritual, motivational, religious, business, sales, anything. Anything that gives me the tools to not only face the day but to also walk out that door with some attitude. Some strong attitude. That warrior attitude.

So many of these self-dev books say the same thing. Just in different ways. Maybe that’s why you don’t have to read as many as I do. You got it the first time. But I like getting the same message through different words and ideas, though a different lens. I need constant reminders. Let me see if I can sum all one million of them up:

1) Live to love and serve others – Love, love, love. Love with everything you have. Nothing is more important. When we put ourselves in other shoes, when we can find ways to see their point of view, when we can look at others without judgement, then we’re practicing love (love, of course, is a verb). When we take time to listen, when we can figure out what others want, and maybe even give them what they want, then we’re serving others. Which of course makes our lives better by default; you could call that karma. We live in a new time. Sure, there’s a lot of bad out there. But there’s a lot of good, too. There are people, giant people like Bill Gates and Elon Musk, and then legions of lesser known people, too, that are putting the good out there. They are thinking about us. They wake up wondering how they can best serve humankind. 

Zig Zigler, a guy my dad put in front of me early on, preached this idea his whole life. When you’re out there selling, don’t think of what you can get out of it. Think of how you can help the people you’re going to call on. With every choice we make, we should put others first. Seth Godin and the new guard of sales/marketing guys base their entire living on the concept of serving others. Even in my writing, I need to be thinking of you. How is a particular scene going to impact you? How is what I’m writing at this moment going to help you?

2) Be present. My wife introduced me to The Power of Now, and I consider my life broken into two stages. The days before I read this book, and the days after. What time is it? Don’t look at your wrist. The time is right now. We should not spend the majority of our existence thinking about the future and past. We should train our left brain to calm down, so we can be here. Right now. RIGHT NOW.

We must enjoy the moment. We must tame the left brain that tries so hard to bury the magic of life. As Ghandi says, “Live each day as if it is your last.” And we have to agree with whoever it was that said, “Life is what happens when you’re making plans.” Holy crap, what if we spend our whole life focused on making sure we don’t run out of money when we’re eighty? Focused on making sure we’re padding that 401k, making sure that we don’t lose our health insurance, making sure we don’t…. Oh, yeah, I could go on forever. I’ve talked about my hyperactive left brain before in this piece on how Yoga saves me. The bottom line: When you’re on your death bed, what will you regret? I think it’s how much time you spent worrying, how much time you weren’t in the present moment, how much time you wasted.

3) Use your mind to conquer and get what you want. That gets the Pscycho-Cybernetics, You Are the Placebo, The Secret, The Master Key System idea out of the way. I’d say this concept works when you’re able to find the perfect balance between the left and right brain, that perfect dance they can do. I read The Secret last week. Yeah, I know… I’m really late to the party. All in one, The Secret is tremendously cheesy and also life-changing. I knew the idea, the law of attraction, from other great books, but it was a solid reminder. Seriously, if you look past the whole “close your eyes and imagine any car you want and you get it” cheesiness, there is such tremendous power in the law of attraction. And yes, that power can probably get you any car you want. For me, I have more important things on my mind than cars. (But I’m not a car guy.) The point, with The Secret and so many similar books, is that you made/make your life. Whether you can accept it or not—indeed a hard pill to swallow—whether you love or hate your current position, you did it. And if you don’t like it, you can change it. 

I am supremely confident that if you can see something in the future, if you can figure out what you want, visualize it, and come to believe it, then you can get it. There is quantum physics involved. The universe is listening. It’s alive with electricity and energy. Your own religion or beliefs might explain it differently, but there’s a common thread no matter your system. 

Do you know someone who doesn’t trust others? Who is constantly worried people are out to get them? That the world is a dark place full of thieves, liars, and pickpockets? I’ve encountered a few. And you know what? The world is after them. You know why? They made it so. Talk to any plastic surgeon. It’s common for someone to find success in all aspects of their life after a particular surgical augmentation. Do you think having a different shaped nose is what got them their new job, their new attitude, their new life? No, it’s mindset. The power of the mind is staggering.

Don’t think for a moment that I presume to be a master of this stuff. That’s why I #AlwaysBeTherapizing. Because I need it! That’s probably why I write… to give my characters life and then to crush them with all these challenges, to see how they handle them. That way I get more practice. As they rise above them (or not), then I become just a little bit wiser myself.

What am I missing? Please comment below.